Things To Do Instead Of Writing
For anyone curious, a glimpse into my writing process:
1) Formulate idea, usually about one of only three possible subjects (cats, pathetic love life, possible connection between the two).
2) Jot that idea down on a Target receipt (possibly also a Stardust receipt), with a mental note to write when I get home.
3) Get home, open laptop. Make a “hmmm…” noise. Read blogs. Read TWoP. Read archived entries on my other blogs for inspiration. Look up random things like “bubonic plague” and “pierogies” on Wikipedia.
4) Conduct fruitless search for the receipt the idea is written on. Decide to organize handbag instead, which leads to organizing entire handbag collection. Google alternatives for cleaning suede, or local leather shops that offer such services. End up organizing entire closet.
5) Extend closet organization to complete cleaning of entire apartment. Which leads to much Vacuum Cleaner vs Cat hilarity, along with a fair bit of cursing at self regarding need to have so many *&%$# picture frames, considering the amount of dust they seem to attract.
6) Watch “Friday Night Lights” on DVR. Wonder briefly if I could get Coach Taylor to be my life coach. Also spent more time than was likely helpful being annoyed that Riggins and Lila and Tyra are all apparently now the same age as Saracen. What’s that about? (17 years–yikes–after “90210″ pulled this same business, and I’m still getting caught up in these thoughts.)
7) Use Macbook’s Photo Booth function to take ridiculous Andy Warhol style photos of self and cats:
This is really what I do when I am procrastinating writing. It's a real problem.
8. Try to finally master the hard level on Guitar Hero, give up after 5 minutes to switch back to medium and see how many times in a row I can play “Story of my Life” with a perfect score (after several failed attempts, this settled at “one”).
9) Pay bills. Contemplate writing post about how depressing the experience was. Discard idea.
10) Look again for receipt, remember that I threw it out while buying sub-par Virginia Dunks’ iced coffee (after spending (redacted) on a new cat tree at PetSmart). Stew for a few minutes trying to remember what the heck the idea was, give up.
11) Grapple with cats in an attempt to get them to use the new cat tree. No success, but a bit of blood.
12) Give up on writing about anything “good” and decide to go with standard-issue post about procrastination.
13) Look up “procrastination” on Wikipedia.
