Apparently, You Just Run. For Extended Periods of Time. It’s Supposed to be WILD!
So, in a bizarre combination of motivation and spite, I decided to sign up for the Marine Corps Marathon. Which means I have just under 6 months to get in shape enough to be able to do it. This…is clearly a mistake.
“But Sarah,” you say. “Running is so good for you! You’re going to love it!”
“But no,” I point out. “Running makes your toenails fall out, your joints grind together, something called ’shin splints’ that sounds like something they did to Mel Gibson towards the end of ‘Braveheart,’ and I hear that some running people lose bowel control. At least that’s an accident, I also hear that others pee on themselves. On Purpose.”
“Yes but think how thin you’ll get!”
“Have you met my metabolism? Watch, I’ll take up running, and actually gain weight.”
But, I’m doing it. Why?
1) I already paid for it. And it was a hundred dollars; hate to waste a hundred dollars. Even so, I will now list for you the things I would rather spend one hundred dollars on:
* 100 bags of Skittles
* 20 beers at Stardust
* These Burberry Rain Boots
* 30 Dunkin iced coffees
* Wait, why are all these food-related?
* Half an iPhone
2) My ex-boyfriend is doing it. He would never run with me when we were together. Team Spite!
3) My sister already signed up for it, and will literally kick my ass if I back out. She’s buying plane tickets.
Shin splints, a’hoy.
And yes, this is why I quit smoking. Oh, smoking. (Sniff.)
Week One ended yesterday, and is brought to you by the letter “E”. For “Excuses, excuses.”
Week One Training Update:
My sister-designed training program involves mostly walking for the first four weeks, and mostly really short distances to start out with. This way, I won’t just say “yeah…no.”
Sunday: Rest day
Monday: 1.5 miles in 23 min (walk)
Tuesday: E is for Excuse! Twisted my ankle, and it was blue and puffy, so I sat on my lazy butt instead of doing my obligatory mile.
Wednesday: 2 miles in 33 minutes (walk)
Thursday: Rest day
Friday: Cross training day. Which I did, only if you count “crossing” champagne with beer and margaritas. Damn you, alcohol, you vile temptress!
Saturday: Long run day! Did 3 miles in 45 minutes (walk/jog)
All in all, not a stellar week, since I wimped out on training twice. But my twisted ankle is better, my allergies that also left me feeling decidedly poo-esque have abated with the pollen-drenching rain, and I’m fairly proud that I did the jog/walk combo for the 3 miles, in a time that doesn’t make me totally embarassed.
Way to go, Sarah! Well, not so much this week (although good job on the beer/champagne/margarita combo), but good for you for committing to it!
The training is hard, but there’s nothing like the feeling of crossing the finish line of a marathon.
Good luck – we’ll be with you all the way!
Thanks Dave!
Yeah, I recognize this week is kind of a fail, haha. But I’ve promised myself I’ll put the real results of the training each week no matter how embarrassing they are. Accountability, FTW.
I definitely need to get OUT of the habit of going to the bar on Friday nights.
[...] This post was Twitted by DonnaPapacosta – Real-url.org [...]
Don’t worry. You have to be a crazy runner to willingly pee on yourself and loose control of bowel function. I doubt you’ll be winning boston any time soon, so you donn’t have anything to worry about. Congrats! Go Team Spite!
Lauren, your lack of faith that I could totally win the Boston Marathon is really disheartening.
Smoking opens up your bronchi, could help you get a little more air into your lungs. Of course the carbon deposits and tumors may get in the way of the air doing anything. Seriously, you should find yourself a good sports chiropractor for this journey. Also, stand on one leg for 4-5 minutes a day each and your ankles will be a lot better. Ice.
Alcohol is a good way to carb load
Sarah,
Why have you forsaken me? I shall send you coupons!
The Marlboro Man
Hi, I just linked to your blog from Brooke’s. Congrats on signing up for your first marathon. Oh, and hilarious post, love it!:)
Thanks Amanda!
In fairness, the rain boots aren’t food…
Good luck! It will be fun. You will get a runner’s high and be all addicted to running instead of smoking. Yay!
You. go. girl.
Let me tell ya, you’ll never have a better cig than the one you choke down with beer after your first race!
I’m proud of you, Wurrey!
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.