One of the best things about living near Washington is getting to do the fun touristy things when friends come to town. I could do the fun touristy things any time, of course, but then I would have to be around other actual tourists without supervision. And I can’t take responsibility for what would happen. There may be an unfortunate incident involving a fanny pack used as a deadly weapon.
This weekend, my friends Jenny and Jen were in town to take in the sights. We got slow starts both days due to staying up until all hours Friday and Saturday night watching massive amounts of “Sex and the City” and eating massive amounts of foodstuff purchased at 7-11 (to say nothing of the sweet tea vodka), but we still managed to squeeze a lot into the few hours we had each day in the city:
1) We saw all the monuments except the Jefferson and FDR, because we are apparently elderly and were so exhausted after walking around all afternoon to the other ones that we couldn’t bear the thought of walking another, oh, quarter mile to the Tidal Basin. This is shameful, but an excuse for them to come back.
We walked past both sides of the White House, where Jen dared to ask the question, “what does wearing angel wings made of flowers and playing REM on a boom box have to do with vegetarianism?” To which I responded, “I am a lot more concerned about the guy with the teddy bear holding sign with the cut out in the middle and the arrow pointing to his ’stimulous package.’” (Ah, whacky White House protestors!)
2) We were forced to dodge large groups of nattering school children everywhere we went, and became convinced that a good percentage of the girls were simply not wearing pants. Anyone on the Mall this weekend would have been likely to hear the following, repeatedly: “Where are her PANTS?” “Seriously, there’s another one.” “Were YOU allowed to go pantsless to high school?” “Ok, seriously, those can’t even remotely pass for leggings–you can see her skin through them!” “You can see more than that.” “I’m really serious…where are her PANTS???” “Those cheerleaders on a scavenger hunt are annoying the crap out of me.” “Yes, they are a pain…but at least they are wearing PANTS!”
(My greatest victory in life is being born in 1979–when I was 15, the height of fashion was to roll out of bed looking like something the cat barfed up, with baggy jeans, flannel button downs, my awesome Doc Martens, Birkenstocks, and wild unkempt hair. I would, quite simply, not survive high school if I had it to do over again in this day and age. 90s fashion, FTW!)
3) Took the obligatory picture sitting on the Einstein statue’s lap, and freaked out my friends with the echo-spot at the center of the universe near his feet. (And told stories of the various abuses heaped upon poor Al during my freshman year at GW that are best not shared here…)
4) Went to Old Ebbitt Grill for martinis and couple bashing (it was V-Day, after all), making particular fun of all the couples who were already there and eating their Valentine’s dinner…at 430 in the afternoon. Someone forget to make a reservation?
5) Managed to get separated at the Museum of Natural History. In the sense that I chose to drop them off and find a place to park rather than expose them to any more of my road rage. It took me about three minutes to find a parking spot, and about 30 seconds to realize I did not have my phone. This incident ended up costing me 30 dollars in card charges using the pay phone to try and track them down. I should have known to just look near the Hope Diamond.
6) Consumed the following: unknown number of beers, Jack & Diets, Captain & Diets, sweet tea vodkas, martinis, Stoli raz and Sprites, Marlboro Lights, Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos, Wavy Lays, Milky Ways, Snickerdoodles (in both cookie and dough forms), frozen pizza, pasta, turkey meatballs, Trader Joe’s chocolate cloud cake, pumpkin spice whoopie pies, egg rolls, taquitos, fried rice, pancakes from a can, thick-sliced bacon, Chipotle burritos, Bread & Chocolate brunch, street vendor hot dogs, cookie ice cream sandwhiches, gummi orange slices and gummi worms. Oh, and Sun Chips. And dip. Ahem.
(Going to gym every day this week, why do you ask?)
(I think I’m going to have to insist on involving some vegetables the next time they come to visit…)
All in all, a great weekend. Although my apartment does currently boast quite the aroma right now. An intoxicating mixture of liquor, soda, cookies and bacon. I should probably get to cleaning…