SarahWurrey.com

Ok, so I missed the midnight deadline by 42 minutes, and totally coughed up on the ball on the FIRST DAY of the July Blog-off with one Matt O’Malley.

The defense, if there is one: I was at happy hour planning on ONE BEER with coworkers, and was cajoled by those superior to me into staying…and just got home this very second when Mr. Momsey IM’d me to inform me of my defeat.

This IS no defense, but there it is.

I submit a one-time-only mulligan in which I agree to make up today by blogging on the 4th of July, which we’d already agreed we take off. That will bring our blog totals for the month (assuming there are no more fails) to 30 each, and it’ll be even. The esteemed Big Red is taking this under advisement.

To respond to his most excellent tribute, however, to our favorite college haunt, I shall tell the following story:

The night before my Foreign Policy 101 (ok it wasn’t 101 but I don’t remember the number because it was 8 years ago or more, but it was a Foreign Policy class in the Elliot School at G-Dub) final way back during my senior year in college, I “studied” by hitting up the Red Lion with my buddy in the class. I probably made it through approximately one of the 8 chapters I was behind in the class before capitulating and working my way through 8 pitchers of Harp instead. I woke up the next day stinking of that delicious cocktail of mayonnaise, body odor, smoke, blue cheese and hamburger grease (which on a good night at the Lion would soak into your bedsheets if you weren’t sober enough to shower before you went to bed) and raced to class late.

I somehow managed an A in this class, and to this day am convinced it was due to a computer error, as there is no way anything was absorbed into my brain that night besides nicotine, barley and hops.

This is a poor excuse for the epic masterpiece I’d HAD planned for this entry, but at least it addresses the Momsey’s chosen theme.

I ask forgiveness, and a time machine, since my exertions tonight are also going to cost me some sleep, as I will have to get up in 5 hours to do laundry so I have something to wear to the big work meeting I also have to do in the morning–let’s hope it goes as well as that Foreign Policy final.

I am a big fan of the book “1,000 Places to See Before You Die.”

Okay, that’s not true. I don’t even own it. I do see it sitting atop my friends’ toilet every time I am at their house, and always think to myself, “Wow, what a great idea.” Which is practically the same thing, right?

Regardless, I was delighted to find this list (via the always excellent Brand Flakes for Breakfast), of 100 Things on the Internet you should have seen already (unless you’re like, my grandmother). I am not sure if I should admit this, but I have actually seen most of the list before, and it brought back some fine memories of my friends and I talking in the Charlie the Unicorn voice nonstop for about a month after first seeing that little gem.

My only objection is that the Dancing Matt video should have been way further up the list. Surely he bests the Grape Stomp lady. In comedy? No. Nothing will ever be funnier than the Grape Stomp lady taking a head-first digger. But in terms of pure awesomeness, Matt is my favorite. How can you watch this and not feel…something?

Check out the list. As a procrastination tool, I could see it really taking off.

And, in closing, Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

For anyone curious, a glimpse into my writing process:

1) Formulate idea, usually about one of only three possible subjects (cats, pathetic love life, possible connection between the two).

2) Jot that idea down on a Target receipt (possibly also a Stardust receipt), with a mental note to write when I get home.

3) Get home, open laptop. Make a “hmmm…” noise. Read blogs. Read TWoP. Read archived entries on my other blogs for inspiration. Look up random things like “bubonic plague” and “pierogies” on Wikipedia.

4) Conduct fruitless search for the receipt the idea is written on. Decide to organize handbag instead, which leads to organizing entire handbag collection. Google alternatives for cleaning suede, or local leather shops that offer such services. End up organizing entire closet.

5) Extend closet organization to complete cleaning of entire apartment. Which leads to much Vacuum Cleaner vs Cat hilarity, along with a fair bit of cursing at self regarding need to have so many *&%$# picture frames, considering the amount of dust they seem to attract.

6) Watch “Friday Night Lights” on DVR. Wonder briefly if I could get Coach Taylor to be my life coach. Also spent more time than was likely helpful being annoyed that Riggins and Lila and Tyra are all apparently now the same age as Saracen. What’s that about? (17 years–yikes–after “90210″ pulled this same business, and I’m still getting caught up in these thoughts.)

7) Use Macbook’s Photo Booth function to take ridiculous Andy Warhol style photos of self and cats:

This is really what I do when I am procrastinating writing. It's a real problem.

8. Try to finally master the hard level on Guitar Hero, give up after 5 minutes to switch back to medium and see how many times in a row I can play “Story of my Life” with a perfect score (after several failed attempts, this settled at “one”).

9) Pay bills. Contemplate writing post about how depressing the experience was. Discard idea.

10) Look again for receipt, remember that I threw it out while buying sub-par Virginia Dunks’ iced coffee (after spending (redacted) on a new cat tree at PetSmart). Stew for a few minutes trying to remember what the heck the idea was, give up.

11) Grapple with cats in an attempt to get them to use the new cat tree. No success, but a bit of blood.

12) Give up on writing about anything “good” and decide to go with standard-issue post about procrastination.

13) Look up “procrastination” on Wikipedia.