So as you may have ready on MattyOm’sblog this week…I conceded defeat in the blog battle. There is nothing more to say than, well, I blew it…life got in the way, as they say. On Tuesday I was busy at work, then out at the movies, then out at drinks after the movie, then it was 1am…I looked at my watch, uttered a muffled curse word, then ordered another drink and raised it in the direction of Boston.
And then, rather than even trying to make up for my oversight, I just gave up. Anyone who’s ever been on a diet knows, once you eat that first cupcake, it’s like “well my diet’s shot, may as well eat the whole batch.” Then, “well this week’s shot, may as well eat this whole tube of cookie dough and wash it down with four milkshakes and this stick of butter, and start fresh Monday.” (Wait, is that just me?)
So I didn’t bother blogging the rest of the week. Big fail. What can I say?
I dedicate this one to Big Red, who soundly defeated me. Sigh.
It’s fitting that Matt blogged about the beach (AFTER I had already picked the topic of Harry Potter–well, I nevah) yesterday, because today I booked passage to Mexico.
Ah, in just three an a half month’s time, I will be lounging beach-side with an umbrella drink. The umbrella drink lifestyle is very important to me. I would do it full time if I won the lottery, and it didn’t make my feet all puffy.
My hetero life-mate Kelly will also be there once more. This marks three years running we’ve vacationed together, and we have yet to have a bad time. Except for the whole puffy feet thing. Oh, and the time she fell down the stairs on the cruise ship (she didn’t get hurt, though she did interrupt and perfectly good magic act). Oh, and the time I fell in the pool after hours and was immediately busted by a suspicious bellboy.
My friends were very helpful, if you define the word helpful as cackling loudly and snapping a photo.
HALP!!!
Kelly and I on vacation are generally well behaved ladies. See:
I am aware my hair looks bad. I will thank you not to mention it.
But then we get started on the frozen beverages, and this happens:
Yes. My hair is so very, very bad.
I’m hopeful that our traveling companions (her boyfriend and his roommate, whom I have not met but am assured is fun and respectable) will be able to walk the fine line between ladylike and in the pool down the stairs, and we’ll just have some fun times. And hopefully not get pooped on by any souvenir parrots.
So, short of the crazies who get dressed up as witches and wizards and line up for days for tickets to these things, there are few who were more excited for the latest Harry Potter movie than me.
I still remember getting the book when it was released in 2005. It arrived the day of release from Amazon. I got into my big comfy arm chair that I had at the time (why the hell did I give that thing away?), started reading and didn’t stop until I’d devoured all 600 pages. I then buried my face into a throw pillow and sobbed for 20 minutes straight.
I didn’t shed a tear at the movie, and not only did I yawn about half a dozen times, I even checked my watch at least twice. There was no such boredom at any of the 5 preceding films (despite their ups and downs in quality).
The biggest problem with the movie is that in attempting to stay as true as possible to the books, everything felt like it was on “hurry up”, and so much got glossed over.
There wasn’t nearly enough McGonagle. Not enough of the Weasley’s joke shop. Not enough Hagrid (and I’m not even that big a Hagrid fan), not enough Neville, not enough Snape, not enough of anything. The only thing the film got truly right was Harry and Dumbledore’s relationship. It royally dropped the ball on Harry and Ginny’s. How do we dedicate so much time to Ron and stupid Lavender and hardly any to Harry and Ginny?
I also can’t stand the kid who plays Draco. He was perfectly cast at age 11 but…purberty reeeeally didn’t suit this poor guy. He looks far too wimpy/nerdy/geeky. Malfoy is supposed to be at least somewhat menacing, isn’t he? Instead he looks far more like the kid who gets bullied, not the other way around–amiright?
Gimme yer lunch money! What do you mean, no? Why are you laughing??
In the end, I found the movie profoundly disappointing. Still rank it better than Azkaban (despised that one), but below Goblet and Phoenix, still holding to the top spots. (If you’re wondering, and are as big a geek as me, I do not count the first two films much in my rankings. From Azkaban onward it was an entirely different tone–the Chris Columbus films were more “children’s movies” than the direction the series has taken since.
Is it possible to die of geekery? Because I might.
I decided about two and a half months ago that a lazy, portly, anti-exercise, beer-loving, late-sleeping, movie-popcorn-addicted, Diet Coke swilling slug-a-bed could run a marathon.
10 weeks in, I have pretty much reversed that decision, but keep trucking along regardless. I skip days, I oversleep, I’ve cut back on beer but not enough, I cheat on the no-smoking thing all the time, I don’t drink enough water, and I’ve lost maybe 5 pounds since I forced the running bug down my own throat.
Will I ever be able to turn things around in the mere three months before the marathon? I don’t know. The fact that I haven’t actually quit outright so far is a pretty good sign. I did go do 6 miles after work the other night, and if nothing else the fact that I would have never in a million years done such a thing in my pre-training days is at least a sign of positive self improvement.
But still. I suck. And I’m tired. And I’m 99% sure I’ve developed plantar fasciitis in my right foot, and the resulting favoring of that side during runs causes my left knee to go spongy, and my left knee going spongy causes my entire left leg to react in weird ways (otherwise known as throbbing pain).
So basically? I suck as a runner. I have, however, gotten pretty good at pill-taking. Here’s what I just swallowed before sitting down to write today:
Mmmm, glucosamine Aleve vitamin cocktails anyone?
And now? I’m off to chug a bunch of water and try to crank out 7 miles. I will likely end up walk/limping half of it due to my cursed foot and crazy knee. It’s really too bad Apollo Creed got killed–I could use an inspirational running buddy to take me to the beach for sprinting and awkward surfside hugs in crop-tops and short shorts.
Harry and Sally are looking for a proper housewarming gift for their friends who’ve just moved in together. They go to the Sharper Image, where Harry suggests the battery operated pith helmet. (”With fan!”)
Sally: “WHY is this necessary in life?”
Word, sister. The biggest problem with the progress made by technology, innovation, etc, has been the onslaught of utterly useless inventions. Places like Brookstone and the Sharper Image only contribute to the idea that my dad needs a barbeque fork that can take the temperature of meat. A gift I actually purchased for him one Christmas. He was VERY excited about it…I honestly don’t think he’s ever actually informed me what the internal temperature actually was for any bit of meat he has served to me since. It’s completely unnecessary!
Which is why Matt’s topic is so excellent. I mean, Cheetos lip balm? Delicious? Probably. Necessary? No.
And so, my contribution. The Axe “Shower Tool.” I actually snapped this pic with my iPhone at Safeway a few days ago. I couldn’t comprehend why, when a loufa, sponge or washcloth will do just fine, Axe thinks they can get men to spend SEVEN DOLLARS (I checked) on a “shower tool” to wash themselves. Why? Becuase it’s more “manly” than a loufa? IT DOES THE SAME THING.
Sorry, consumers of this product. But the only tool in your shower is you.
And this is not just a crazy feminist complaining about the idea that marketers are using the notion that things used by females (see: loofas) are some how not “manly” enough for men to use.
(I’m sorry, “detailer”? What are you, a Chevy?) (Well, according to the commerical, I guess you actually are.)
But really, I have the same issue in reverse. I get a ten times better shave when I borrow a boyfriend’s razor on my legs than on any of the chi-chi ridiculous “female” razors that they charge us WAY too much money for.
The Emmys! Ah, my third favorite awards show behind the Golden Globes and the Oscars. Oh, and the MTV Video Awards. Oh, and maybe SAG….Well ok, they are still a big deal! TV is basically what I have instead of religion, family, or a life–so I have given this a LOT of thought. And it was hard, because apparently this is the “year of a thousand nominations”. Whatever happened to just five? Between this and the Oscars expanding their categories to TEN nominees, I really don’t know how to make predictions. I feel Vegas is responsible; they are trying to rustle up more betting capital because of the poor economy. What? I’m sure people bet on this stuff! What?
And here are my picks: (Also, picking who I feel was egregiously overlooked, and who I thought was a joke of a nomination, per Red’s request.)
Outstanding Comedy Series
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight Of The Conchords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds
Will win: 30 Rock Should win: 30 Rock Honorable Mention: How I Met Your Mother (this show should win an Emmy for the Slapsgiving episode from last season alone) What the Hell?: Weeds (I watched 3 episodes of this to try it out during my Showtime free preview. It sucked. Sucked. I don’t get the appeal, but I also hated “Arrested Development”. A lot.) Wuz Robbed: I really don’t see how you can nominate Family Guy over South Park…but that’s just me.
Outstanding Drama Series
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men
Should Win: Lost, for the best seaason to date. This show makes me scream out loud in shock, awe, joy, befuddlement…name the emotion, I’ve yelled out “OMG” over it while Lost is on. Amazing. Will Win: Mad Men (only slightly less deserving than Lost, because I don’t yell out loud) (by the way, I am aware of all the inappropriate jokes you are making in your head, you perv) Honorable Mention: Dexter (I watched this and Weeds during my Showtime free preview. Dexter was addictive, I may have to pay to keep it.) What the Hell?: Big Love. I can’t get behind anything involving Chloe Sevigny, because she looks like some sort of aquatic lizard. Wuz Robbed: Aside from my usual Friday Night Lights grumbles; True Blood! HELLO! I feel that Bill will take some sort of sexy revenge out on the Academy for this.
You bet I will, Miss Wurrey.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory • Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper
Flight Of The Conchords • Jemaine Clement as Jemaine
Monk • Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk
The Office • Steve Carell as Michael Scott
30 Rock • Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy
Two And A Half Men • Charlie Sheen as Charlie Harper
Should Win: Alec Baldwin Will Win: Alec Baldwin (don’t see how he can lose at this point) Honorable Mention: I hear great things about Flight of the Conchords What the Hell?: I actually very much enjoy Two and a Half Men; but it’s paint by numbers for Sheen at this point, he basically plays himself. Wuz Robbed: I also hear great things about Eastbound and Down, so no?
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Breaking Bad • Bryan Cranston as Walter White
Dexter • Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan
House • Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House
In Treatment • Gabriel Byrne as Paul
Mad Men • Jon Hamm as Don Draper
The Mentalist • Simon Baker as Patrick Jane
Should Win: Jon Hamm – Don Draper is the most intricate dramatic character on television since Sipowicz, and Hamm should get a Franz-size load of trophies for this role. Will Win: Bryan Cranston Honorable Mention: Dexter What the Hell?: Simon Baker? Really? I mean if you’re voting on hotness, maybe. Wuz Robbed: Actually? I can’t think of anyone who was robbed. The guy who plays Bill in True Blood isn’t that good an actor, although if we are judging by hotness, I pick him over silly old Simon Baker.
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
The New Adventures Of Old Christine • Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine
Samantha Who? • Christina Applegate as Samantha Newly
The Sarah Silverman Program • Sarah Silverman as Sarah Silverman
30 Rock • Tina Fey as Liz Lemon
United States Of Tara • Toni Collette as Tara Gregson
Weeds • Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin
Should Win: Tina Fey Will Win: Tina Fey Honorable Mention: I could see Toni Collette OR Julia Louis Dreyfuss sneaking in here. What the Hell?: I’m pretty sure that unless they’re giving out Emmys for “Best Imitation of a Person Suffering from LockJaw” that Mary-Louise Parker should not win. But I might just still be bitter about how long she kept Donna and Josh apart on The West Wing. Wuz Robbed: Again, can’t think of any snubs here. None of “The Office” ladies I’d want to nominate really count as leading roles. Wait for the supporting category for my thoughts here.
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Brothers & Sisters • Sally Field as Nora Walker
The Closer • Kyra Sedgwick as Brenda Leigh Johnson
Damages • Glenn Close as Patty Hewes
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit • Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson
Mad Men • Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson
Saving Grace • Holly Hunter as Grace Hanadarko
Should Win: Elisabeth Moss – This season of Mad Men didn’t match the first, but Moss’ Peggy was, as the critics say, finely drawn. She was astonishing in the scene where she confessed her pregnancy to Pete. It starts at 2:10. Just watch it, seriously.
Will Win: Glenn Close Honorable Mention: I suppose Holly Hunter could steal this one, but I despise her show…she chews up more scenery than Al Pacino. What the Hell?: I would swap Rachel Griffiths for silly Sally Field in a hot second. Wuz Robbed: Ah, Sookie. I’m almost glad you didn’t get nominated, because I want Peggy to win!
But don't I have a bettah rack??
(Yes, yes you do. But that does not influence my decision!)
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Entourage • Kevin Dillon as Johnny Drama
How I Met Your Mother • Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson
The Office • Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute
30 Rock • Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan
30 Rock • Jack McBrayer as Kenneth Parcell
Two And A Half Men • Jon Cryer as Alan Harper
Will Win: Neil Patrick Harris Should Win: Neil Patrick Harris – I love Barney. There, I said it. Harris could make this role a Holly Hunteresque scenery chew off, but he doesn’t, he’s great. AND HE HAS A BLOG! (Seriously, watch this. It’s only one minute, and if you don’t believe me that Barney is the best, I’ll take your word for it.)
Honorable Mention: Tracy Morgan kills me. Wuz Robbed: I love Dwight, but no Nard Dog? Seriously?
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Boston Legal • William Shatner as Denny Crane
Boston Legal • Christian Clemenson as Jerry Espenson
Breaking Bad • Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman
Damages • William Hurt as Daniel Purcell
Lost • Michael Emerson as Ben Linus
Mad Men • John Slattery as Roger Sterling
Will Win: I have NO idea.
Should Win: Emerson, for sure.
Honorable Mention: Slattery’s Roger is quite the rapscallion, and he should win just for giving me an opportunity to use that word in a sentence.
What the Hell?:William Shatner, I have nothing against you, really (except maybe those Priceline commercials), but Denny Crane became one note and un-Emmy worth about four Emmys ago. Please go away. Wuz Robbed: Tie between Josh Holloway for Lost (Sawyer was the best thing about that show this season) and True Blood’s Nelsan Ellis. For this scene alone; awesomeness. (Uh, awesomeness and some NSFW language–it is an HBO show after all..)
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Pushing Daisies • Kristin Chenoweth as Olive Snook
Saturday Night Live • Amy Poehler as Various Characters
Saturday Night Live • Kristin Wiig as Various Characters
30 Rock • Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney
Ugly Betty • Vanessa Williams as Wilhelmina Slater
Weeds • Elizabeth Perkins as Celia Hodes
Will Win: I have NO idea–I will guess and say Elizabeth Perkins, because Emmy voters love cable shows and that’s the only one nominated here. Should Win: Amy Poehler. Did you SEE the Sarah Palin rap she did 8 months pregnant? The woman is a genius. Honorable Mention: Kristin Wiig – Only SNL lady capable of carrying the Tina/Amy torch What the Hell?: Jane Krakowski. I love (LOVE) 30 Rock. I also think she’s the worst thing on it. Wuz Robbed: Phyllis Smith, Phyllis on “The Office.” I could write fan fiction about her dumping her husband and running off with the equally snubbed Nard Dog and making quirky, awesome, chubby, a cappella singing babies together. I luff her.
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Damages • Rose Byrne as Ellen Parsons
Grey’s Anatomy • Sandra Oh as Dr. Christina Yang
Grey’s Anatomy • Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
In Treatment • Dianne Wiest as Gina
In Treatment • Hope Davis as Mia
24 • Cherry Jones as President Allison Taylor
Will Win: Another toughie, I’m going to say Hope Davis Should Win: This is the one category where I am so mad about snubs that I honestly don’t have a horse in the race. I like Sandra Oh, but she didn’t earn it. Honorable Mention: Again, I don’t care, but I guess Rose Byrne could ride Glenn Close’s coattails here. What the Hell?: I love Cherry Jones, especially when she plays Matt Damon’s mom in “Ocean’s 12″ (though it could just be that “Ocean’s 12″ was a monstrous turd trumpet before she comes along), but she was the worst president in “24″ history. And that includes Logan. Wuz Robbed: SO many people. But mostly Christina Hendricks from “Mad Men.” She deserves 10 Emmys for the rape scene alone. And is absolutely beyond fierce. Rowr.
So the topic Big Moma picked for today is what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to quit–his is Nicorette, which is apparently harder for him to give up than the cigs were in the first place.
Not I, I’ve had the same box of Nicorette sitting on my desk for 2 months at least, and it’s barely half way done. And it’s done nothing to prevent me from falling spectacularly off the wagon on at least eleventy different occasions.
Anything can set off a cheating fit, mostly being at the bar (when is VA banning smoking again?), but it can be anything. Movies are a killer too, I’ve found. Or hell, try making it through an episode of “Mad Men.”
I just consider it good practice. So I have compiled a list of movies that it is one day my goal to watch without desperately craving a cigarette:
5) “St. Elmo’s Fire” – First of all, this movie is terrible. Just terrible. Why did I never know this? It used to be one of my faves. But man. Find me 22 year olds who actually talk like this, and I’ll eat my hat, and won’t even have that satisfying post-meal smoke afterwards. (The crap apartment, in this scene, however, is startlingly realistic.)
4) “Reality Bites” A movie that nails many aspects of being 22 much better than St. Elmo’s–mostly the terrible jobs, group housing, ill-advised hookups between friends, and the smoking; my god, the smoking. I love that movie. Incidentally, while looking for a good clip from it, I found this. My jaw is still on the floor at the awesomeness.
3) “Pulp Fiction” – Say what you will about the violence, the dialogue, Marcellus Wallace’s band-aid, the contents of that glowing box…what I remember about this movie is how every single character pretty much chain smokes throughout. It’s torture to sit through.
2) “200 Cigarettes” – Ok, obviously. It’s in the name of the movie. There is smoking throughout. And, by the way, I can’t decide if this movie is inexplicably bad or inexplicably good. When I first saw it I thought it was crap, but watching this trailer, doesn’t it look like it ought to be amazing? Dave Chapelle and Janeane Garafalo and Paul Rudd (pre-Apatow, when he was far more tolerable)?? This movie should be the business. Maybe I should re-watch. And just fast forward through the Cristina Ricci scenes.
1) “Good Will Hunting” – Damn, this is the second movie list I’ve made this month that has both “Pulp Fiction” and GWH in it, and yet for totally different reasons. But regardless, I’d sit in rapture watching Matt Damon do just about anything, including smoke. Which he does. Liberally. Throughout. I’m sorry, what were we talking about?
Facebook’s contextual ads are a constant source of amusement for me.
If I am on a good running kick, they make me feel good with constant ads for various running-related paraphernalia. If I am on my usual lazy-assedness kick, I get to feel crappy about myself with nearly constant ads of people with muffin tops claiming that Acai Berries saved their lives or some nonsense that cannot possibly be true.
(Side rant: I can’t understand people who fall for the latest “fad” in weight loss. If they ever actually DID discover some miracle that can actually make fatties thin, I’d be all over it, but so would every single reputable news organization in the WORLD. Odds are it would be backed by enough venture capital to buy and sell Jupiter, and wouldn’t, you know, require $50 a day Facebook ads to market it.)
I’m not sure what I said or posted that caused the above ads to pop up today, but I couldn’t resist a screen capture. First off, “Accepting Virginia Babies”? Into what? Why do I feel that people clicking on that ad will be encouraged to bring their babies to an un air-conditioned room at a Red Roof Inn to meet with a suspect “baby modeling agent” with a porn-stache?
Your baby has potential, baby.
Second, the obvious humor in the juxtaposition of a birth control ad and a “hey, you must have a baby!” ad totally killed me. To say nothing of immediately making me think of one of the best “Seinfeld” episodes ever.
Regardless, I will take sponges and babies any day over my usual ads, which tend to lean towards “You’re a dried up spinster with cobwebs in your womb, you’d better click here to find a guy pathetic enough to want to marry you, despite your obvious physical deformities!” any day.
– Blog still half broken. I can’t upload pictures, and none of my old pictures on older entries are there. I use images in just about every post, and have 3 saved that I want to use as the basis for upcoming entries so this…is a problem. I will not be writing any of my “catch-up” entries for the blog-off until this is resolved. It’s odd, I’m just not as good at blogging without visual aids.
–Motivation for running nonexistent, still haven’t gone tonight, but am in clothes so might go down to the treadmill for a couple miles, in a “better than nothing, eh?” fit. But mostly because I still have to put the top up in my car, and if I’m down there, I may as well run.
–My 8 month old kitten is rapidly turning into the devil’s spawn, and I have the scratches all over my arms and legs to prove it. He also manages gastrointestinal feats that peel the paint. On a scale of one to 10 in evilness, with one representing The Big Lebowski and 10 representing those annoying subscription cards that fall out of magazines and get lodged under my couch–how evil would it be to try and talk my parents into taking his smell, scratchy ass right off my hands?
–The longer I type, the less I’m going to want to run.
–Sigh.
But to answer Matt’s question: If my friend put a lotto ticket in my birthday card and I won 10 grand, I’d likely buy said friend an extravagant gift, but wouldn’t just offer up cash. Seems uncouth, doesn’t it?
As you may have read over on Matt’s blog, I was hacked recently (well, I never) and my blog was cut to ribbons. It was actually deleted altogether. I pictured Matt with a big evil mustache, twirling and cackling as he tapped away at his evil keyboard, thwarting all my plans to utterly destroy him in our July blog-off. He’s claiming innocence, I remain suspicious.
I still can’t seem to upload images (and images are missing from old entries) and my dashboard looks 100% different than it did before, so I might need to continue consults with my buddy/webmaster, the brilliant Nathan Burke, to whom I owe at least a few growlers of blueberry beer when I’m in Boston for Podcamp for fixing things up around here.
The solution is only to post several entries in one day and post-date them to take care of the deficit. Which I will do. Tomorrow.
