Seriously…Am I Crazy??!?
I found this map online.
Damn you, Google.
To give you some perspective, so far the longest distance I’ve run in this pathetic and surely doomed to failure endeavor of “hauling my fat ass across 26.2 miles” is just over 3 miles. That is, if you look at the map, the distance around East Potomac Park and Hain’s Point. This will be, if this map remains the general route, around miles 17-20 of my alleged marathon.
Generally speaking, when I finish that particular loop, I collapse in a gasping heap as my calf muscles and shins enter what I’ve come to affectionately know as the “53 minutes of painful spasms followed by 42 of light yet equally painful twitching” phase. After. Three. Miles.
And yet, I will persevere. Even I have to admit, as proud as I am so far for sticking to the training schedule, collapsing in that heap at only mile 3 would be truly pathetic, and unworthy of a Sugarbaker woman.
Week Three Observations:
Mmmm, cheesy poofs.
1) I am so. Freaking. Hungry!!!
Hungry. Gimme gimme gimme. I could eat my cat right now, with the right sauce. And yet my charming coach berates politely informs me repeatedly that I can’t actually eat my cat, and yours. Not only that, she’s insisting I join Weight Watchers or some other form of organized nutrition tracking group in order to make sure I eat a balanced diet in the coming weeks.
Now, dropping some weight would certainly make this process easier–but considering “hungry” is my default state even when the only exercise I’m getting is walking to the door to let in the pizza guy, I have a feeling that this is going to be…challenging. Freaking hell–why am I doing this again?
Starting weight: 100 pounds
What, you thought I was going to put the real number on here? Nope, we’re starting at 100–The fact that I have not actually weighed 100 pounds since….fifth grade? Is irrelevant. Just try not to be disturbed when I give my Week 20 updates and claim to weigh only 23 pounds.
2) My Buddy and Me: FAIL
I have yet to run with a buddy until yesterday, when my friend Jen and I hit up the cross country trails at our old high school in rainy Trashua Nashua, NH. The good news is that I seem to have developed a breathing rhythm that works for me (gasp gasp puff, gasp gasp puff….sounding something like a hog in labor, I’m sure). The bad news is that I’m pretty sure Jen was wondering what I’ve been talking about with all this “running” business for the past few weeks. She kept insisting that we were running at same pace she might do herself if she were alone…and yet I couldn’t help noticing that our conversations went something like this:
Jen: Wow, check out that creepy guy with the homemade fishing pole, omg, he has a porn stache! Do you think he’s going to murder us? Do you think it’s even safe for us to run here?
Me: (gasp gasp puff) yeah (gasp gasp puff) he (gasp gasp puff) is pretty (cough gasp cough) creepy.
Jen: Are you okay? Hey look, those guys have a paddle boat! Do you think they’re actually catching fish? I don’t think I could actually eat fish from this river, it looks pretty nastifying, hmm, maybe I want to eat some potato salad after this, and what time do you think we should go out tonight?
Me: Um…. (gasp choke cough wheeze) I….can’t…(wheeze) talk (gasp gasp puff).
3) Drinking is bad, m’kay?
Friday night my dear friend Jenny was getting married in Maine. I will not disclose fully all I had to drink that night, but will admit that the night ended at around 230 in the morning with two White Russians. Yeah milk and vodka (and various other adult beverages) mixing around in mah belleh! We’re going to shake shake shake you up tomorrow! Get some rest! This is probably why Jen also might have wondered what I’ve been talking about with all this “running” business when I made her stop to walk with me every quarter mile or so. If by “walk” you mean “dry heave”.
All in all, a great week! Here’s the official update, with all times are estimates becuase I left my spreadsheet at the office.
Week Three Training Update, the Dry Heave Edition
Sunday: Rest, aaah.
Monday: 2 miles, 28 min (I think? I remember being happy I finished before my laundry was done, and the washing machine cycle is 28 min! I’m sticking to it!)
Tuesday: 2 miles, 31 minutes (this was the night I went in Old Town, and was harrassed by a gaggle of street youths who seemed impressed at just how hard boobs can bounce when a woman is barely even running)
Wednesday: 2 miles, 32 minutes (this was my morning run, which turned into a walk because I honestly thought I might barf)
Thursday: Blessedly, a rest day
Friday: Cross training, I was forced to count the 30 min or so of booty shaking I did at the wedding as such. I did get out of breath. Whatever, I’m counting it. I also did a few dozen “arm lifts” to my pie hole as I shoved it full of cake and beer and White Russians.
Saturday: 3 to 3.5 or so miles (not actually sure, because apparently the mile markers at Mines Falls Park in Nashua…don’t exist. What’s that all about??) 50 min. 55 if you count dry heave breaks.
Weight: 100 pounds
Weight loss/gain: I’ll let you know at the next update. I’m thinking after the weekend, it’s +28 or so–there was a fried pickles incident.
I love your writing style, you’re hilarious! Yeah so the thought of two white russians to finish of a night just made me gag a little. You’re doing great in your training, the first few weeks are the toughest. It does get ever so slightly easier. I thought I would lose weight when I started running, but nope, I’ve gained 5lbs because I am so hungry all the time (or because I’ve gained so much muscle in my legs…that’s what I’m going with) Have a great Monday!
Thanks Amanda! I am thinking this week will end up a wash on the weight loss…aside from the fried pickles incident there was also an encounter with an entire bag of Ruffles and half a pound of red Swedish Fish. Woof.
I’ve heard losing weight during marathon training is hard due to the massive hunger; but I’m hoping that because I actually do have quite a bit of weight to lose that I’ll be able to do it in spite of myself, as my gut is all like “yeah, wait…where’s the couch? We prefer the couch.”
“A fried pickles incident”? 28 lbs is a lot of fried pickles. I didn’t even know y’all had those up north. Maybe you are a Sugarbaker woman.
Brooke wasn’t too hard on me, but I get the feeling she was holding back because I’m not family, and realized that I probably would have bitch slapped her after I got done with all the eye-rolls if she ever gave me a meal plan. That being said, I HAVE to lose weight for the MCM. Running is so much easier when I was just 5 lbs lighter. If I can loose 15-20, no telling. I mean, I don’t expect to get suddenly all speedy gonzales, but I might not collapse in a heap and may be able to run the whole thing. So even though I get hungrier, I’m going to try to eat more filling foods and stay within points. You get the 35 extra and you can eat your activity points on any day of the week.
Oh, and any time I’ve ever run with anyone, my conversations consist of me asking open ended questions so I only have to say one sentence then my partner talks for about 20 minutes. It works better that way.
This weekend was truly a sad moment in Weight Watchers history. I wasn’t even remotely trying, with the exception of breakfast on saturday, where I opted for egg whites and only ate one half of my english muffin and none of my home fries. But that’s only because I already knew I was about to run 3 miles hungover, and if I’d gone with the yolks and the pancakes I really wanted, the “dry” would have left the “heave” equation.
Activity points are going to be key, especially since this week I’m adding 30 min of cross training for after my short runs.
I just remembered that when I was actually training (which Brooke will asterix as still only doing about 50-70% of my 4 scheduled runs a week), I did loose weight. I only gained weight when I took a month and a half off of all training so I could binge over christmas. You’ll be fine.