* It is likely I would not have cleaned my car or apartment regardless of the heat, but it’s nice to have a scapegoat
I despise the heat. Despise. The feel of a bead of perspiration making its way down my back. Damp hair sticking to my neck and forehead. The sting of my car’s piping hot “leatherette” interior as it fuses to the backs of my thighs. Pit stains. Sunburns. The way sweat pools under my eyes as the heat gets trapped behind my giant sunglasses, which are foggy with humidity.
Relief, found in chilly movie theaters and frequent cool showers, is merely temporary. If I were ever to embrace objectum sexuality, the object of my most sincere affections would without question be an air conditioner. Or, perhaps, a meat locker. But the window units in my rather old fashioned apartment are woefully inadequate. As they work overtime trying to satiate my desire, they sputter moisture out onto the window sills, which drips down the wall, causing the paint to bulge and crack. All in the service of bringing the temperature in the room from “unfathomably unbearable” to “at least I’m not actively perspiring (so long as I lay very still)”.
I long for ice-cold central air with an almost carnal passion. I simply cannot bear to be hot. We can’t all look “glistening and sexy” like Ashley Judd in “A Time to Kill” (probably the world’s sweatiest movie; the make-up department had to have been working overtime misting Judd down with a dewy, Southern glow).
I tend to look more like Oliver Platt’s character when the mercury heads above 95, as it has been for weeks. Fat, sweaty, and uncomfortable:
So please, God, if your’e out there, I know I take your name in vain too often and, frankly, only ever appeal to you for selfish reasons, seeing as how I’m not even remotely religious. But if you wouldn’t mind taking things down a notch, perhaps from “Hellfire and Brimstone” to something in the neighborhood of “Kitty Cat Relaxing in a Spot of Warm Sunshine,” I’d be ever so grateful. I may even show up at church.
I’m about to lay down a very important piece of life advice. It is vital to your future sanity. Are you ready for it? In fact, it’s not even going to come from me. It should come from someone with the appropriate amount of gravitas.
This ought to do it:
Listen up kids, because I am about to lay down some knowledge.
Now that I have your attention, and a spokesman with the right amount of gravitas, listen carefully to Morgan Freeman:
Never, ever, loan your books or movies to friends. And if you do, be prepared to never see them again.
Sarah! Morgan! How can you say such a thing? Don’t you trust your friends? You’re implying that your friends will maliciously make off with your possessions so they don’t have to shell out $12.99 at Target? That’s terrible!
Settle down, I’m not saying that at all. I’ve certainly loaned books and DVDs and gotten them back in a timely fashion. I’ve also loaned them and never seen them again. I’ve also borrowed books and DVDs and returned them, and in turn borrowed books and DVDs that remain in my collection to this day.
None of this is malicious. It’s just that a certain amount of time passes, and unless the borrower or lender make a specific effort, sometimes you just don’t return something, and then you move away, and then 5 years have passed and you’re like “Hey, I didn’t know I owned ‘The Big Lebowski’, let’s watch this Dude!” all the while some poor friend of yours back in New Hampshire is probably all “what mofo made off with my Lebowski DVD?”
Or you know, something to that effect.
Which is what was running through my head last week when I was attempting to track down my “Good Will Hunting” DVD. I know I had one. I remember watching it about 1,000 times before its mysterious disappearance. (I can’t decide if it’s the allure of a young and occasionally shirtless Matt Damon, Ben Affleck sporting an inexplicable pompadour and tracksuit combo throughout as if he were a Sopranos extra despite obviously portraying a Boston Irish type, or the math professor’s gay assistant–one of the most underrated performances in the whole movie…I just can’t resist Good Will Hunting.)
The movie is no longer in my possession. And that’s okay, because it’s my own fault, because if “Good Will Hunting” is not around despite the fact that I apparently own two copies of “What Dreams May Come” (on VHS no less), then I know that’s because I loaned it out. I am certain the person I loaned it to did not mean to steal it, any more than I intended to steal Lebowski. This stuff happens.
Which brings me back to my point: Never, ever loan out your books or DVDs unless you’re prepared to bid them a fond farewell. And go to Target and spend $12.99 on a movie you already own.
(And if it’s your copy of The Big Lebowski that made its way into my DVD cabinet, well…I kinda hope you don’t read this, because that was a pretty good get. )
To be honest with you, my Oscar picks last year….sucked. I got Best Picture, Director, Supporting Actor and Adapted Screenplay right, but absolutely tanked the other categories. As an honest-to-god awards show junkie, it was a truly embarassing event. This year, there’s cold, hard, cash on the line as I’ve entered an Oscars pool — so I have to step up my game, y’all.
I’ve seen almost every film, though I may once again be making my best actor pick blind (I’m picking Jeff Bridges, and then seeing “Crazy Heart” later today; if I see it and hate it, me and The Dude are going to have some words). On to the picks!
Should Win: The Hurt Locker Will Win: Avatar
The Hurt Locker was hands down the best film of the year, and I have seen 9 of the 10 nominees, it’s definitely the best of the bunch. The problem is that “spectacle” movies like Avatar make tons of money, get tons of attention, and pretty much ride that wave to a Best Picture win despite being, when you think about it, nothing but popcorn movies. (See: Gladiator, Titanic, Lord of the Rings). I occasionally support Popcorn wins; I thought Braveheart earned its win, and even Titanic. But this year? No. Just no. Avatar was boring as hell, 30 minutes too long, and in the words of Simon Cowell, painfully self indulgent. Plus, Cameron is the official King of the World Jerks.
Still, sadly, it will likely win.
Should Win: Kathryn Bigelow Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow
There’s no way she doesn’t win. Aside from doing an amazing job with the film, they’re going to give her this award to make up for her movie getting the shaft in the Best Picture race. Sometimes the Academy tries to be “fair” that way; like how they gave Russell Crowe an absolutely laughable Best Actor win for Gladiator to make up for him getting completely robbed of his deserved win for The Insider (have you ever seen that movie? It’s amazing; go get it on DVD, for real). Anyhow, she’s going to win, take it to the bank.
Should Win: Carey Mulligan Will Win: Meryl Streep
I picked Meryl to upset the frontrunner (Kate Winslet) last year, and I was totally wrong. So this year, I’m hoping for her to upset again, this time overtaking Sandra Bullock. I loved The Blind Side. But awarding Sandra for playing a brassy Southern Belle would be like giving Vince Vaughn an Oscar for his 18th performance as a “wisecracking man child with a heart of gold.” I’d like to hope that Gabourey Sidibe could pull off the upset too, because she just seems so damn likable and how often is a 300 pound black woman going to have a shot at a Best Actress Oscar? But her performance wasn’t as special as some would have you believe, and the Academy is already going to hit their Plus Sized Black Woman Oscar Winner quotient by giving Supporting Actress to Mo’Nique.
Best Supporting Actress
Should Win: Mo’Nique Will Win: Mo’Nique
This win is the only slam dunk pick of the bunch. There’s basically no way she’s not getting it, and she was great in the movie. And I love that she talks honestly about how she doesn’t shave her legs and has an open marriage. She’s great. I loved Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air, so I’d almost like to see her upset if an upset is going to happen, but it probably won’t.
Should Win: Colin Firth Will Win: Jeff Bridges
As I said, I’m seeing Crazy Heart later today; but I’m basing my Colin Firth pick on the films I’ve seen thus far. He was so great in A Single Man, even if Tom Ford’s overly stylized and obvious direction made me want to puke, and Julianne Moore tried way, way too hard throughout her shrieky performance. However, from everything I’m reading, it looks like The Dude is going to make this happen. But that’s just like, my opinion, man.
Best Supporting Actor
Should Win: Christoph Waltz Will Win: Christoph Waltz
I forgot when pronouncing Mo’Nique the only slam dunk win that I was wrong–this is another slam dunk. And good for him, Hans Landa might be my favorite Tarantino villain since Mr. Blonde. Evil, suave, insanely intelligent, and rocking not only a badass full-length leather trench, but a giant Sherlock Holmes pipe. Love him.
Best Original Screenplay
Should Win: Inglourious Basterds Will Win: The Hurt Locker
Tarantino won for Pulp Fiction’s screenplay in 1995, and I think the script for Inglourious Basterds blows it out of the water. Unfortunately, The Hurt Locker is going to get the nod here — as another make-up award for screwing it out of Best Picture.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Should Win: Up in the Air Will Win: Up in the Air
I’d like to call a possible upset for An Education, but it faces the same problem that Carey Mulligan does in that not enough people saw it. Too bad, but I think Up in the Air will take this one home, and it was indeed a great script and a good movie, so I’m satisfied with it.
Best Animated Feature
Should Win: Up Will Win: Up
Ok, this movie made me weep real tears in the FIRST TEN MINUTES. It was so, so, good. Also: Talking Dog.
Also give this a big thumbs up for being the first animated film since my fave, Beauty in the Beast, to get the Best Picture nod.
That’s it! No live blog for the Oscars this year, as I’m attending a party to watch it with other actual humans. But you can entertain yourself with last year’s live blog, which has my favorite title I’ve ever given a post.
Here’s hoping I leave the party 20 whole dollars richer. Wahoo!
Unlike last Christmas, I am crazy, chockerblock, shoot mistletoe up your butt til it comes out your ears, full of holiday spirit this year. Maybe I’m just in a better mood this year than last. Maybe it’s because I am not single at present and won’t have to get any “oh well I’m sure you’ll meet someone who enjoys corpulent, sarcastic misanthropes eventually, Sarah” remarks from family members. Maybe it’s a sugar-cookie induced psychotic episode. But I am psyched, just psyched, for Christmas.
I decorated the apartment. I’ve been burning smelly, pine-scented, candles. I’ve even been contemplating getting Christmas outfits for the kitties.
Okay, maybe not.
Regardless, I love Christmas. I’m going to force my boyfriend to watch “Elf” with me on Friday night, as (blasphemy!) he’s never seen it. I assume he’s next going to tell me that he hates freedom, cupcakes, freedom cupcakes, and everything else in the world that is awesome.
Speaking of “Elf,” let’s do a list!
Top Ten Favorite Holiday Movies That Aren’t “A Christmas Story”
(You love “A Christmas Story”, I love “A Christmas Story”. We ALL love it. Let’s see if we can do this list without it, shall we?)
10) Babes in Toyland – There have been several versions, I believe. But this 1986 version with Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves, and Mr. Miyagi as the Toymaster? Tour de force on all counts, and VERY 80s. Not convinced? There’s an entire song in it all about the awesomeness of….Cincinnati.
9) “The Family Stone” – I am surprised by how much I enjoy this movie. I don’t really like Sarah Jessica Parker, and she’s the main character. They don’t give Rachel McAdams nearly enough screen time or bitchy remarks at SJP’s expense, and Luke Wilson is sorely underserved by the script (though does have a spectacular moment in which he is clearly going commando in his sweatpants). To say nothing of the involvement of the truly vile Dermot Mulroney, who will forever encapsulate the “douche that women fight over in movies even though he is not even worth the nailpolish they will chip during the catfight for his affections”. And yet? I freaking LOVE this movie. It’s just so Christmasy! And it makes you cry! And the DVD has a recipe for a delicious sounding quichey thing they make in the movie that ends up splattering all over everyone! It’s just really good. Plus I liked the poster–hehe.
8. “A Muppet Christmas Carol” – Um, hello? Statler and Waldorf as Marley? Genius.
7) Speaking of takes on “A Christmas Carol,” – “Scrooged” – This movie was made before the Bill Murray renaissance of the last few years, in which he has Vince Vaughned himself into the “playing the same role in every movie” mold so much that I’m almost experiencing a personal Bill Murray backlash. But when in doubt, I can always consult “Scrooged.” Classic!
6) “Gremlins” – No one ever thinks of this as a holiday movie! Everyone forgets that Gizmo started out as the world’s best Christmas present! You know, before the whole water thing resulting in Gremlins springing out of his back and trying to eat everyone. And you should love this movie based on the sequel alone, which stands as one of the most underrated sequels in movie history, and the first since “Godfather II” that honestly blows the original out of the water.
5) “Bad Santa” – Not even the sight of Lorelai Gilmore as a woman with a Santa fetish can diminish my love for this movie. Not even Billy Bob Thornton torturing some poor radio host interviewing his band and comparing himself to Tom Petty (snerk) can diminish it. It’s just that good.
4) “Love Actually” – I watch this movie approximately 5 to 7 times per Christmas season. This season I made my mom watch it with me, and even her repeated inquiries as to who was who, who was with whom, and whether Hugh Grant was the prime minister or Emma Thompson’s husband (repeated, repeated inquiries) couldn’t spoil it for me. That’s how it cracked the top five.
3) “It’s a Wonderful Life” – I know, I know. (No seriously, I know.) But despite all my sister’s repeated claims that I am a stone-hearted Grinch without a soul, this movie makes me weep every time. I’m powerless against it. I get choked up thinking about it, so we’d better move on before it gets dusty in here.
2) “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” speaks for itself with the cord-chewing wrapped up cat exploding.
Seven Items From The Last Month While Y’all Have Been Whining About My Absence:
1) Vacation in Cancun that sucked so bad it was almost comical. It rained every day. All day. No kidding. And when it wasn’t raining, it was cold (no kidding) and windy (hello, Hurrican Ida…’sup?). I dealt with it by reading. And drinking relaxing. Here is the obligatory cartoon.
(Note my lack of tan. Thanks for the memories, Cancun!)
2) Do you ever feel a little ashamed when you see something in the Sky Mall that you would SO TOTALLY BUY? For example, the brownie pan that makes the whole batch turn out like the chewy edges! Omg, WANT.
3) Luckily, the next thing I saw was this. You heat them up in the microwave. Stressed out? Just throw your adorable pet husky into the microwave, and then wrap its hot, limp corpse around your neck and shoulders. Who needs a spa??
4) Facebook Relationship Ad Advice Update: Last time, Facebook had me stalking my boyfriend to ensure fidelity. A couple weeks ago, I seemed to have moved past the Needy Stalker phase and into the Pressuring for a Ring phase. Thanks, Facebook–without you, how would I know how my relationship was progressing?
5) Two Random 90’s Movie Reviews: Every time I watch “The Parent Trap”, I think two things: one, that Lindsay Lohan was a truly adorable, talented kid, which is so sad considering.
Cocaine's a helluva drug, y'all.
And second, the whole plot of this film hinges on the notion that two parents, finding themselves unable to get along, would simply split up their infant twin daughters in a semi-King Solomon style, and abandon them to the other for life. This scenario is accepted as pretty much totally fine by just about everyone, including the twins in question even after they discover they’ve been denied both a sibling and a parent (to say nothing of grandparents, etc.) for their entire lives. WTF, people. In reality, everyone involved in a situation like this would be in serious therapy at a minimum and family court for certain. Honestly.
Also–have you ever watched “Cats & Dogs”? This movie is fricking brilliant. I love it. Can’t help it–seriously, Netflix it if you don’t believe me! Siamese cats as ninjas? Omg, seriously. And I do believe Mr. Tinkles is the greatest movie villain of all time. He’s way more evil than that guy in “No Country for Old Men” who kills people with that helium tank or whatever.
6) Ok, so I actually only had five things. But the Patriots game is on at the same time as Family Guy, and switching back and forth between the two has been quite distracting. I’ll try to update again before Christmas though, m’kay?
Yes, I keep mentioning it, but I’m sorry, my delight in the fact that my boyfriend cooks for a living has yet to fade. Everyone I tell always seems duly impressed, and so far only my sister has mentioned that this fact could be a dangerous thing for the size of my already considerable booty. But I don’t care about that at this point.
The Food and I are in a honeymoon period. Soon, I will start to find The Food’s cute habits and overall deliciousness supremely annoying, and only then will I notice the booty issue.
Regardless, the whole undertaking has me thinking about which chefs–real and fictional–I like the best, besides the guy, of course. (With the possible exception of the Swedish Chef, who I really think comes in first ahead of just about everyone.)
5) Chef Louis – “The Little Mermaid”
He wins points for pure enthusiasm. Perhaps I should try singing to my food as I cook it, and my technique would improve.
4) Barth – “You Can’t Do That On Television”
Gotta respect a chef who has loyal customers despite making them puke their guts out in every episode–to say nothing of his dedication to filth so intense that he kills the health inspector and serves him in the burgers.
(Side note: YCDTOT was a dark show, y’all. Here’s another Barth clip I found. Sick!)
3) Julia Child
Julia rocked for a billion reasons well-documented by Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”. But this segment with a young David Letterman is sublime–beef tartare au gratin (raw hamburger meat with cheese melted with a blow torch) is something I’d probably end up making if I ever endeavored to cook. No one screwed up like Julia.
2) Chef – South Park
I believe this is self explanatory. (I’d put these up against Schweddy Balls any time.)
1) Swedish Chef – “The Muppet Show”
Bork bork bork!
Honorable Mentions: Casey Ryback (he uses his chef skills to make bombs, y’all) and Sookie from “Gilmore Girls” (her and Chef Louis should get together and have extremely enthusiastic half-human half-cartoon chef babies).
So, short of the crazies who get dressed up as witches and wizards and line up for days for tickets to these things, there are few who were more excited for the latest Harry Potter movie than me.
I still remember getting the book when it was released in 2005. It arrived the day of release from Amazon. I got into my big comfy arm chair that I had at the time (why the hell did I give that thing away?), started reading and didn’t stop until I’d devoured all 600 pages. I then buried my face into a throw pillow and sobbed for 20 minutes straight.
I didn’t shed a tear at the movie, and not only did I yawn about half a dozen times, I even checked my watch at least twice. There was no such boredom at any of the 5 preceding films (despite their ups and downs in quality).
The biggest problem with the movie is that in attempting to stay as true as possible to the books, everything felt like it was on “hurry up”, and so much got glossed over.
There wasn’t nearly enough McGonagle. Not enough of the Weasley’s joke shop. Not enough Hagrid (and I’m not even that big a Hagrid fan), not enough Neville, not enough Snape, not enough of anything. The only thing the film got truly right was Harry and Dumbledore’s relationship. It royally dropped the ball on Harry and Ginny’s. How do we dedicate so much time to Ron and stupid Lavender and hardly any to Harry and Ginny?
I also can’t stand the kid who plays Draco. He was perfectly cast at age 11 but…purberty reeeeally didn’t suit this poor guy. He looks far too wimpy/nerdy/geeky. Malfoy is supposed to be at least somewhat menacing, isn’t he? Instead he looks far more like the kid who gets bullied, not the other way around–amiright?
Gimme yer lunch money! What do you mean, no? Why are you laughing??
In the end, I found the movie profoundly disappointing. Still rank it better than Azkaban (despised that one), but below Goblet and Phoenix, still holding to the top spots. (If you’re wondering, and are as big a geek as me, I do not count the first two films much in my rankings. From Azkaban onward it was an entirely different tone–the Chris Columbus films were more “children’s movies” than the direction the series has taken since.
Is it possible to die of geekery? Because I might.
So the topic Big Moma picked for today is what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to quit–his is Nicorette, which is apparently harder for him to give up than the cigs were in the first place.
Not I, I’ve had the same box of Nicorette sitting on my desk for 2 months at least, and it’s barely half way done. And it’s done nothing to prevent me from falling spectacularly off the wagon on at least eleventy different occasions.
Anything can set off a cheating fit, mostly being at the bar (when is VA banning smoking again?), but it can be anything. Movies are a killer too, I’ve found. Or hell, try making it through an episode of “Mad Men.”
I just consider it good practice. So I have compiled a list of movies that it is one day my goal to watch without desperately craving a cigarette:
5) “St. Elmo’s Fire” – First of all, this movie is terrible. Just terrible. Why did I never know this? It used to be one of my faves. But man. Find me 22 year olds who actually talk like this, and I’ll eat my hat, and won’t even have that satisfying post-meal smoke afterwards. (The crap apartment, in this scene, however, is startlingly realistic.)
4) “Reality Bites” A movie that nails many aspects of being 22 much better than St. Elmo’s–mostly the terrible jobs, group housing, ill-advised hookups between friends, and the smoking; my god, the smoking. I love that movie. Incidentally, while looking for a good clip from it, I found this. My jaw is still on the floor at the awesomeness.
3) “Pulp Fiction” – Say what you will about the violence, the dialogue, Marcellus Wallace’s band-aid, the contents of that glowing box…what I remember about this movie is how every single character pretty much chain smokes throughout. It’s torture to sit through.
2) “200 Cigarettes” – Ok, obviously. It’s in the name of the movie. There is smoking throughout. And, by the way, I can’t decide if this movie is inexplicably bad or inexplicably good. When I first saw it I thought it was crap, but watching this trailer, doesn’t it look like it ought to be amazing? Dave Chapelle and Janeane Garafalo and Paul Rudd (pre-Apatow, when he was far more tolerable)?? This movie should be the business. Maybe I should re-watch. And just fast forward through the Cristina Ricci scenes.
1) “Good Will Hunting” – Damn, this is the second movie list I’ve made this month that has both “Pulp Fiction” and GWH in it, and yet for totally different reasons. But regardless, I’d sit in rapture watching Matt Damon do just about anything, including smoke. Which he does. Liberally. Throughout. I’m sorry, what were we talking about?
So, one of my favorite Boston players of all time will be visiting Boston (albeit on another team) soon, as Matt pointed out earlier today. I gotta say, I don’t have much to say about this topic–but he did mention something that is very relevant to my interests: crappy fake Boston accents. You see, “No-maaaah” was frequently mentioned in a longrunning skit on “SNL” with Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch playing horny obnoxious Boston teens. Growing up not far (sorry, “fah”) from Boston, I can say the portrayal is actually a bit accurate. But as usual, the accents were a bit much.
This reminds me of an even better blog topic than Nomar, as good as that might be. What are the best and worst attempts at Boston/New England accents in film and television? These are my picks, feel free to share yours in the comments.
Worst: Diane Lane in “The Perfect Storm.” I’m not sure where she was supposed to be from, but I am pretty sure no one from Boston or Mass in general ever actually sounded like this. Maybe it’s because she had to play against Marky Maaahk, whose accent is genuine. I respect George Clooney the most in this movie, because he didn’t even bother trying.
Best: Tim Robbins in “Mystic River.” Despite his crazy hippie political rantings and his girly pitching in “Bull Durham,” I’m actually a big fan of Tim Robbins, and I respect the heck out of his work with the Boston accent in this film–some people disagree, but I think it’s really passable. Sean Penn gets a mention here too, and a nice Clooney nod for Kevin Bacon for not even bothering to try.
Worst: Robin Williams in “Good Will Hunting.” Woof. This is probably my favorite movie ever; and Williams is excellent in it– but his accent meanders in and out throughout the film; this guy is supposed to be from Southie? No. Again, must’ve been hard for him playing against a native, no one does a Boston accent better than my future husband Matt Damon.
Best/Worst: The entire cast of “The Departed.” The natives (Damon, Whalberg) did splendidly of course, Leo did his best and wasn’t totally egregious, the rest of the ensemble bordered between Drunken Kennedys (Baldwin, Sheen), Diane Lane craptacular (the woman shrink, whatsername), and god-awful and getting away with it (Jack, because he’s Jack). All over the map. But then again, actual Boston natives tend to be all over the map accent-wise, so maybe it works.
Debatable: Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone.” Some people thought she was brilliant, some people thought she sounded like Rachel Dratch’s Denise character from SNL on fricking steroids. What do we think? I think little of column A, little of column B.
Sound off about the best and worst accents in the comments–and don’t feel compelled to stick to Boston, I’m sure there’s more than enough hatred for Dennis Quaid’s “Cajun” in “The Big Easy.” (Although I myself forgive that for two reasons: 1) I’m not New Orleans, and 2) I’d happily have Dennis Quaid’s babies.)
To paraphrase a line from “When Harry Met Sally,” everybody thinks they have good taste. But really, most of us, despite our illusions, are basically just a pile of ridiculous habits, trashy hobbies, and absurd taste in music, reading materials, and movies.
(ESPECIALLY movies, if the $200 mil the insanely horrible assault on the senses ‘Transformers’ movie took in last week is any indication.)
(No. Really. Do NOT go see it. Not even if you’re a Megan Fox fanboy. Buy yourself a Maxim, it’s cheaper.)
Rather than try to act all cool about my alleged love for that obscure band that no one’s ever heard of, or look down on people for their crap movie choices (except in the case of the “Transformers” movie, becuase oh. my. GOD. NO.), I tend to embrace my own mainstream trashiness–we all have our guilty pleasures, what’s the harm in admitting that I’d rather read US Weekly and watch “90210″ reruns on SoapNet than go see some arthouse film? I saw “Rachel Getting Married” after it got gushing critical raves, and guess what? I’d throw it in the bin alongside “Transformers” in about two seconds. Pretentious balderdash.
Without further rambling, I present my first entry in the July Wurrey/Momsey Blogging Challenge (if, that is, Big Red is willing to let me take a pass on missing yesterday, which I think he will since he’s basically the world’s most wonderful guy, amiright???): What are your top 5 guilty pleasures? Here are mine, in no particular order. With the caveat that really, I don’t feel all that guilty about loving any of these things:
5) Bud Light Lime – Sorry guys, it’s delightful. It tastes like a beer and a margarita had a baby. A delicious, delicious baby. It’s also fabulous for drinking outside in hot sunny weather–give me a pool, an endless supply of Bud Light Lime, and a beach book, and I’m good to go for summer. Suck on it, haters!
4) Sweet Valley High – I burned through about a hundred of these books in a year when I was growing up. If given the opportunity I’d devour them all again en masse, probably only needing a single weekend. Instead of blowing money at the used book store, however, I find myself drawn to YA lit blogs, particularly those with a Sweet Valley bent. I recommend The Dairi Burger, particularly the recaps and analysis of our favorite teen sociopaths. Seriously, how did I never notice growing up that Jessica Wakefield was like a cheerleader Pol Pot? She even had an even more evil alter-ego, “Jessa Fields.” Jessa was “European” and had black hair. Brilliant.
3) Every single cheesetastic ridiculous song that Taylor Swift has ever written or will live to write. ESPECIALLY the new one.
2) I got an iPhone. One day later, I paid $0.99 to install an application to make fart noises. Fewer things recently have brought me more joy.
1) Sno-Balls–I had to have a junk food on this list, obviously. Everyone has one favorite, go-to junk food for when they need a sugary or greasy fix, usually after 3 or 4 (or…6 or 7) Bud Light Limes. Pizza, a classic. Five Guys, always reliable. Ice cream for the sugar lovers, yes yes yes. For me, for some reason, if I’m hitting a 7-11 at one in the morning in search of something awful, I almost always seek out the Sno-Balls. I eat them maybe once a year, because, well, any more than that and I might either die or actually turn into one like Violet Bickerstaff.
Thank you, Hostess. I love you.
What about you? Favorite things you should not love, but do with reckless abandon? Spill it.